Science has proven that the mammal’s infatuation with the rear end is very natural, and as simple as it seems, has everything to do with reproduction and the search for, “The One.” During mating season in some species, the female raises her rear end to make the males aware that she is ready and entice him to mate. One reason why high heeled shoes are so attractive is because of the same concept. If you think about how high heels raise and make a woman’s rear end more attractive, it is naturally because of this reason.  This would explain the driving force behind the attraction to the booty. This is a simple introduction into a topic that may seem playful, but is conceptually deep: The Art of Booty Palmage.

The purpose of the Booty Palm varies as there are a few different types of Booty Palms. One is the Lazy Noodle palm. You’re on the couch, watching a movie, long day, and she is resting across Ur lap/you are resting across his lap. You have no energy to have sex. The Lazy Noodle Palm gives you access to palm the booty as well as rub the back. Palming the booty means, “I want some action.” Following up with a small back rub meaning, “But, I just want to chill.”....Who are you to turn down head though?! Lazy Noodle Palm initiates Sloppy Toppy.

The next type is the "Let's Go" Palm. You have company over the house, but you want the buns. You must figure out a way to pass the message without anyone catching on, so you breeze by, inconspicuously palm the booty and head to the room. Let us go. She follows.

There is the, "This Belongs to Me." Self-explanatory. Make sure you palm with a slight affirmative grip. Palm with authority or she will not believe you, and more people will not help. You must be very precise with this palmage because trying this with an ounce of doubt is insecure. If you are insecure, you have no business using this method. This is an affirmation that she is yours, you both acknowledge it and you are THE man.

There is the, "She Put it On Me" palm. You’re knocked out and don’t even realize you are palming the booty. With the slight, authoritative grip. You’re not just going to put it on me like that and leave. She takes pride in this palm because for once she put YOU to sleep.

Of course, the, “Beat It Up Palm,” follows. Just laid it down, she’s stuck in the same position that you left her in for 13 minutes now. Can’t move. You prop the pillows up, lay back, right arm behind your head and grab the remote to turn on the TV. Left hand on the booty with a slight smirk on your face. “Yea, she’s making that French Toast when she gets up.”

That last technique in Booty Palmage that we will discuss is the, “Best of Both Worlds.” Do NOT perform this one with just anyone, it comes with

conditions. Best of Both Worlds fuses a genuine, tight, warm and comforting hug with the naked Booty Palm. Left arm is up under her right arm, stretched diagonally across her back with your hand embracing the back of her neck. Right arm is stretched diagonally going down her back into her pants and firmly gripping her right cheek. There is a certain ownership of the box required to perform this successfully. This is a mix of This Belongs to Me, Beat It Up and I Effin Like You Palms. Perform this with a whore and you’ll be effed up in the game. Opened doors you never wanted. Perform this with the right woman, takes our relationship to another level.


Now go…..Experiment, test my theories, enjoy and create your own techniques. Appreciate that this is art and there is a science to it and it will never fail you. But who am I?! It’s just a theory.